ANTLERS!!!

We are (or I should say Roxann is) potty training Caitlyn. She is pretty good at it. Things will be quiet and she will suddenly look down and grab at her undies and knock her knees together with a surprised look on her face. She then runs as fast as she can, tugging at her britches, all the way to her little potty while her brothers chant, "Go, Caity, go!! Go, Caity, go!!". When she is done, Caity and Mom engage in a ritual "potty dance" and song. It's altogether disturbing to watch, but it is getting the job done. She has also been waking up dry. We are really proud of her.

The other night, the kids and I were playing one of our favorite games, King of the Bed. This game involves me lying on my back, on the bed, while the kids try to pull me off. Caitly is usually trying to "save" me from the boys as they try desperately to dislodge me from my position. They were really getting into it.
"We've got to get a running start!" Ben yelled to Matthew who at the time was pulling on my left ankle.
I didn't think anything of it, Ben usually likes to get a running start. Matthew by this time had pulled my left leg off the bed. I was holding my own with the right leg, and my arms were useless because they were holding Caitlyn, who is telling me playfully that "I'll save you, Dad!"
It is about this time that I hear Ben's battle cry from the distant hallway.
"ANTLERS!!!"
Huh? The muffled paddle of feet grew louder and louder as I heard him make his way through the hall. I paid little attention to him until at last he came into view of the doorway. I saw him. Head down, fist protruding from his quick, huddled mass like swordfish. He moved like a freight train, the rumble of his engine was his heavy, fast footsteps and his laughter. I watched in horror as his fisty lance made its way to my exposed crotch. There was nothing I could do but watch, horrified as he connected with my special parts. I moaned. Not in pain at first, but in surprised agony. Seconds later the pain rushed through my lower abdomen as I crumpled like a dying spider on the bed.
I sent him to his room.